Food physics

Whilst the physics of the atom, and the chemistry of food, have been rigorously explored over the past century, very little attention has been paid to the physics of food. I therefore took the opportunity recently to conduct my own cutting-edge experiments into the structure of food.

The first step was to modify an abandoned particle-accelerator I found at work, converting it into a circular food-antifood annihilator. After some trial and error, I found that the best technique was to create counter-rotating streams of pasta and antipasta. Collimating the bruschetta beam was particularly difficult.

At the point where the pasta and antipasta meet, they mutually annihilate, and transform into pure gastronomic energy ('gastrenergy'). The pure gastrenergy is then capable of transforming into other combinations of food: a bunch of bananas and a plate of sauasage and mash, for example. After performing numerous runs, I think I've been able to infer a number of conservation laws. For example, the third power of the sum of the amount of fat and sugar is always conserved in these reactions. I hope to publish my results soon.