Tuesday, July 21, 2009
So, I goes for a walk in the fields near where I live, about mid-afternoon, and a lot later in the day, about midnight, I'm feeling very tired, and getting ready for bed, when I feel an itch on the back of me leg. I scratch at it, and notice something black. I take a closer look. Flicking it back and forth, I can see it has little legs, which writhe as I pluck at it. It also probably has a head, although that's currently buried into my flesh, drinking my blood, and probably has been for the past nine hours.
Now, I've heard what to do in circumstances like this, that you shouldn't attempt to pull the tick out because you'll leave part of it imbedded in your skin. "You're supposed to get a match and burn them," I think. "But I haven't got any matches! What am I supposed to do? I'm so tired, I just wanna go to bed, but there's a living thing imbedded in my leg!"
I spend a couple of minutes trying vainly to get my brain into gear, trying to think what I should do. After careful thought, I respond by just yanking out what I can. "Fucking thing!"
Which leaves its head buried in my skin.
"So what now? Have I got something sharp I can use to dig the head out? Ummmmmm...I know: the breadknife!" So I goes into the kitchen and gets the breadknife, sits on the edge of me bath, and I starts digging away with the breadknife. Trouble is, even a breadknife ain't sharp enough when you look at it real careful, and I'm just digging a sort of slightly bloody pit around the black head of the tick.
"What next then? Bed? Yeah, bed." So I wander back into the kitchen, replace the breadknife, and then find that I do have some cooking matches after all! "Maybe I can, er, burn the head or something." So I sits on the edge of me bath, lights a match, and starts dabbing at it with the naked flame.
Dab, "Ow!" Dab, "Ow!" Dab, "Ow!" Dab, "Ow!" Dab, "Ow!" Dab, "Ow!"
That didn't work either.
So I finally goes to bed, and the next morning I goes to work and phones the medical centre. "Can you get foreign bodies out of the skin?" I asks. "What type of foreign bodies?" she replies. Anyway, long story short, I digs it out with a sterile needle, as the watching nurse tells me you can catch lyme disease from ticks. Apparently, the initial symptoms are like the 'flu', so if I gets a fever in the next few weeks, it could be flu, it could be swine flu, or it could be lyme disease. Fucking thing. If one of 'em tries it on again, I'm gonna burn the fucker.