Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Quantum Theory of Formula 1

The Chapman Uncertainty Principle: The greater the performance level of a car, the lower the reliability level, and vice versa. Performance and reliability cannot be simultaneously optimised.

Quantization of income: The possible income levels of a team, prior to sponsorship revenue, occupy a discrete set of values, specified by the Concorde Agreement. If a team drops an income level, it will emit talented drivers and technical staff in response; conversely, if a team absorbs talented new drivers and technical staff, it will jump to a higher income level.

Bose-Ecclestone statistics: No pair of teams can simultaneously possess the same level of pre-sponsorship income, as specified by the Concorde Agreement.

Intrinsic spin: Each car-driver combination possesses a purely quantum property called intrinsic spin, which specifies the propensity of that car, under the control of that driver, to complete an unintended rotation about its centre of mass.

Quantum holism: The creativity of a design team cannot be uniquely determined by the reduced creativity of its constituent members.

Non-locality: Two drivers in the same team, with similar levels of performance, can become entangled even when separated by a considerable on-track distance. Thus, when one driver sets a faster lap, the other will also set a faster lap, despite the absence of direct communication between the two, and despite the frantic entreaties from the pit-wall for both drivers to 'preserve the tyres and fuel'.

The Measurement Problem: A team can enjoy a significantly higher level of performance than the other teams for only a brief period of time, before measurement-like interactions with the governing body induce a discontinuous and non-deterministic collapse of the performance envelope.

5 comments:

Jackie said...

Hehe, a very apt enjoyable take on things within the F1 paddock.

douglas.hudson said...

Excellent stuff, Gordon. It cunningly combines your obsessions with physics, motorsport and Britney Spears.

Gordon McCabe said...

Britney stopped returning my phone calls a couple of years back, after I made that comment about her split ends, and she went and shaved her head in protest. Over-sensitive.

Sean said...

"Over-sensitive"?

You try getting the water Temperature just right in a trailer park. Too hot and the hair dries and splits, too cold and it does not clean.

Ago said...

I absolutely love it ! In particular the "intrinsic spin"... I've got a few names, and associated values, off the top of my head ;-)