Friday, February 18, 2022

The Aristocrats - 2022 style

So, this family of activists, bureaucrats and politicians turns up at a PR agency, and asks to speak to a 'Brand Manager'. One of the family steps forwards, introduces itself as "the spokes-object" for the group, and launches into a description of their act: 

"We police everything apart from crime; we censor and cancel everyone with different opinions to our own, whilst advocating 'diversity and inclusion'; we log hundreds of thousands of 'non-crime hate-speech' incidents without people's knowledge; we're strongly anti-semitic; we permit acts of criminal damage and obstruction as long as it's motivated by values and beliefs we share; we shut-down protests for causes we disagree with; we only consume media which disseminates beliefs and values we share; we use Big-Tech to suppress divergent opinion, and we characterise it as 'misinformation'; we carefully monitor other people's speech-acts for hints of racism and sexism, whilst freely abusing men, white men, white women, jews, jewish men and jewish women; we abhor violence, unless it's perpetrated by Irish nationalists, Palestinian terrorists or Islamist migrants; we're concerned about inequality, unless it concerns the working class; we believe in social justice, unless it concerns the working class; we consider ourselves immune from referenda or democratic control, but we're terribly worried about the state of our democracy; we claim to be patriotic, but we deride the Union jack and the national anthem; we don't like flag-waving, unless it's an EU or rainbow flag; we're more worried about Net-Zero carbon-emission targets than whether the elderly are warm in their own homes; we use Bad Science to promote sweeping restrictions on individual liberty; and we prohibit people from holding the hand of a loved one in their final moments, for the sake of a microscopic reduction in the transmission of a virus, whose very origins we tried to suppress." 

The PR agent is deeply impressed. "What do you call yourselves?"

Drawing itself up to its full height, the spokes-object proudly replies, "We call ourselves...The Progressives!"