I squeeze some GlaxoSmithKline Aquafresh Fresh & Minty onto my Reach toothbrush. With its blue and red gel stripes, the Aquafresh provides triple protection for clean strong teeth, healthy gums and fresh breath. After brushing, I rinse my mouth with water. Then, I fill my armitage shanks enamel wash-basin with hot water, and wash my face with water-activated Safeway honey-almond soap. I rinse my face to remove the soap. I then apply Nivea Creme moisturiser. Containing Eucerit, a special moisturising ingredient, Nivea Creme is free from preservatives, and skin compatibility is dermatologically approved. Truly multi-functional, it’s perfect for all the family, all year round. I then wash my mouth with Pfizer’s Freshburst Listerine antibacterial mouthwash. Containing Eucalyptol and menthol, it reduces plaque by up to 56% more than brushing alone. I rinse my mouth again with water. Then I apply Unilever Lynx Africa deodorant bodyspray, containing butane, isobutane, and polyaminopropyl Biguanide Stearate, holding the can 15cm from the body, and spraying in a ventilated place. I avoid prolonged spraying. Walking back to the bedroom via the living room, I pass the Sony Bravia 32” LCD HD-Ready digital TV, sitting in an arched recess beside the fireplace. Back in the bedroom, I don a pair of black Marks and Spencer briefs, 100% cotton, made in Sri Lanka; a white British Home Stores Menswear shirt, 65% polyester, 35% cotton, made in Indonesia; and black UrbanSpirit trousers, 65% polyester, 35% viscose, made in China. My shoes are scuffed, black leather Hush Puppies, the soles of which are beginning to perish. I drive to work.
(With apologies to Bret Easton Ellis)