Friday, February 06, 2009

The Arctic Grand Prix

"Hi Gord. Bernie here."

"Hi Bernie! How's tricks?"

"Not bad, not bad. Bit of a problem with the trouble and strife, but musn't grumble I suppose."


"Anyway. About your idea for a Snow Grand Prix."


"I like it. I like it a lot. Cars with studded tyres, cars bouncing off snowbanks, head-up displays for the drivers, and the first ever global sporting event covered entirely in the infrared part of the spectrum. Nobody will be able to get to the track, but hey, plus ca change..."


"Thing is, the only parts of the world which can afford to pay for the right to host a Grand Prix these days, tend to be in the Middle East and South-East Asia. The countries with territory in the Arctic circle tend to be a bit flaky with the old GDP, and no-one seems to own Antarctica yet. At the end of the day, Gordon, Formula 1 is owned by a private equity company which needs to recoup its investment in some way. So..."

"I understand Bernie. It was only an idea."


"How's Max?"

"Oh, same old, same old..."


Anonymous said...

"Hi Bernie."
"Whats up Max?"
"I'm back in the news again today!"
"Yes.... so I see Max."
"Do you like the way I got a poke at the mad Scot, stuck the knife into old baldy, and best of all how I made sure I'll be able to stay close to the nations' hearts by stringing the 'whodunnit' out for a year or three. They're bound to be bursting to find out whose fault that smelly business was last year. It's not as if it was my fault, is it?"
"er Max, don't you think that maybe you let that one go? It's not exactly covering you in honey..."
"Covering me in honey? Covering me in honey?? That's fantastic! Bernie, as always you're an inspiration to me!!"
"Max sure yeah whatever. Look I have to run, Gord's on the other line..."
"Oh, you don't speak with him surely?"
"Max, I'm not Shirley and I hang on his every word. Bye."
"Bye Bern...... hello? hello? He's hung up th little twerp"

Gordon McCabe said...

Brilliant! You even got a Shirley joke in!

Anonymous said...

"Hi Bernie, it's Max"

"Max? Max who? HaHa! Only kidding you old fruit!"

"HaHa Bernie. You're a good laugh I must say."

"To the point Max. What's up? Time is precious!"

"That fiend Murdoch has dreamed up a 'Most powerful people in British Sport' poll in his Times rag, and guess who he has placed on top of me??"

"You sure you didn't get yourself into that position, Max? Are we talking about more photos here?"

"No! No! I'm not talking about that! He's gone and stuck baldy one position higher than me!! I don't care about how people see me..."


"... but suggesting Dennis is more powerful than me??? I could raise an army you know!!"

"That's what your dad thought too Max, isn't it?"

"Anyway, I'm not pleased about it!"

"You're not pleased? Let me tell you something Max. Mr McCabe has only gone and got himself into the Sunday bloody Times!! So if you think you've got problems Max, you aren't even at the races - oh sorry, pardon my turn of phrase there! - Now Gord's gone all starry-eyed, he'll start getting big ideas or something. Then what??"

"Crikey Bernie. I always told you not to get too close to him. He knows things - strange stuff that nobody else knows about."

"Precisely Max. I mean he's got blueprints for a radioactive Red Bull or something. Who know what he might start saying if he gets into the spotlight?? They'll be sure to see straight through us pair if he's unleashed!"

"Hmmmm, unleashed, unleashed, sorry Bernie, my mind was wandering there... Hello? Hello? Damn, he's done it again. Someday, Bernie. Someday...""

Gordon McCabe said...

Genius. Again!