Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Inventions week - Day 3

Dredging the fertile subconscious effluent of the human mind once more, and sending enough neural traffic across the corpus callosum to cause a bridge collapse in Minneapolis, here are today's ideas:

  • Bullshit dosemeters. Epidemiological studies indicate that bullshit can have deleterious health effects if delivered in sufficiently high doses. Measured in multiples of the basic bullshit unit, the Pr, the average annual background bullshit dose in the UK is 2.4 mPr. Occupational doses can, however, reach 1Pr. There is therefore a need for the people working in such hazardous occupations to be equipped with bullshit dosemeters. Made out of scepticinium-fluoride crystals, these dosemeters can measure bullshit by the amount of smelly energy deposited in the crystal per unit mass.

  • TV news bulletins for adults. This would be TV news free from continuously scrolling banners and 'breaking news' graphics. This form of news broadcast would attach no value whatsoever to a live report that contains only nugatory information. Expert analysis would be favoured over vapid cliche and condescension.

1 comment:

Dave said...

Nice use of 'nugatory'!