Thursday, January 01, 2009


I squeeze some GlaxoSmithKline Aquafresh Fresh & Minty onto my Reach toothbrush. With its blue and red gel stripes, the Aquafresh provides triple protection for clean strong teeth, healthy gums and fresh breath. After brushing, I rinse my mouth with water. Then, I fill my armitage shanks enamel wash-basin with hot water, and wash my face with water-activated Safeway honey-almond soap. I rinse my face to remove the soap. I then apply Nivea Creme moisturiser. Containing Eucerit, a special moisturising ingredient, Nivea Creme is free from preservatives, and skin compatibility is dermatologically approved. Truly multi-functional, it’s perfect for all the family, all year round. I then wash my mouth with Pfizer’s Freshburst Listerine antibacterial mouthwash. Containing Eucalyptol and menthol, it reduces plaque by up to 56% more than brushing alone. I rinse my mouth again with water. Then I apply Unilever Lynx Africa deodorant bodyspray, containing butane, isobutane, and polyaminopropyl Biguanide Stearate, holding the can 15cm from the body, and spraying in a ventilated place. I avoid prolonged spraying. Walking back to the bedroom via the living room, I pass the Sony Bravia 32” LCD HD-Ready digital TV, sitting in an arched recess beside the fireplace. Back in the bedroom, I don a pair of black Marks and Spencer briefs, 100% cotton, made in Sri Lanka; a white British Home Stores Menswear shirt, 65% polyester, 35% cotton, made in Indonesia; and black UrbanSpirit trousers, 65% polyester, 35% viscose, made in China. My shoes are scuffed, black leather Hush Puppies, the soles of which are beginning to perish. I drive to work.

(With apologies to Bret Easton Ellis)


Anonymous said...

One of my all-time favourites, that film.

Gordon McCabe said...

It always cheers me up.

Anonymous said...

It has so many great moments but the one i always remember is the bit where the yuppies compare business cards and Bateman's voice trembles at the sight of his great adversary's uber-card; and it's then he knows he has to kill him.

Bob said...

I just saw that movie 2 weeks ago for the first time. I did not read the book, so I'm not sure if you quoted directly from it, or if you altered it and put in your own morning routine, which is what I presume.
The film is very interesting, allthough I must confess I did not understand the bits where people talk to him as if he were another person. Poetical freedom, I suppose.

It is also amazing how Christian Bale changes identities in different films. The film that impressed me even more was The Machinist. It gave me the shivers.

Gordon McCabe said...

Hi Bob!

What you find in the book is that almost everyone mis-recognizes almost everyone else. This, presumably, is to emphasise the degree to which the characters lack unique identity, and the superficiality of their social relationships.

And Elberry, are you handling the Fisher account?